Psychologist Ella - Relationship Coach: The Other Side of Valentine’s Day… Anxiety, Depression, and Psychological Challenges!
As lovers prepare for Valentine’s Day celebrations, the streets fill with hearts and red roses, and surprises, gifts, and outings are arranged. On the other side, however, this day—supposed to be a source of positive emotions—turns into a space of anxiety, pessimism, and discomfort for a group of people.
This side of Valentine’s Day is not disconnected from its roots, as the occasion itself is inherently painful. It dates back to Saint Valentine, who lived in Rome in the third century AD and secretly married soldiers in love, at a time when they were forbidden to marry. When his actions were discovered, he was executed on February 14, making this day a symbol of sacrifice for lovers.
Returning to the conflicting emotions that dominate this day, an essential question arises: why do emotional feelings vary so greatly from one person to another?
Psychologist Ella Emmanuel, who also is a relationship coach, explains that “the increase in feelings of anxiety during Valentine’s Day is often due to social pressure.” She adds that “single individuals often feel excluded from this celebration, while those who have recently separated relive painful memories or long for a former partner. Even married individuals are not immune to these feelings, as some feel sadness when their partner does not meet emotional expectations, or when they feel that love has faded and passion has diminished.”
As for people whose partners have passed away, Psychologist Ella notes that they “experience Valentine’s Day as an open space for pain and longing for memories.”
Why do social medias make Valentine’s Day anxiety worse?
Comparison with others also plays a major role in increasing psychological pressure, especially as social media has opened a wider door for comparison. She explains that “these platforms present an idealized and often false image of relationships, even though this is not the complete picture,” pointing out that “they create the illusion that everyone is happy and loved except us.”
She also notes that “online relationships, especially those involving celebrities, reinforce the idea of performative love linked to wealth, while reducing the value of real relationships that go through moments of boredom, challenges and routine leading to a false sense of personal failure. This creates a deceptive feel of disappointment.”
Is Valentine’s Day depression a real mental disorder?
Despite attempts by some to ignore negative emotions, a psychological weight imposes itself as this date approaches. Emmanuel links this to what is known as Valentine’s Day depression, which falls under the broader concept of “holiday depression.” This is a real psychological phenomenon, even though it is not officially classified as a mental disorder.
She explains that “the mind and nervous system do not easily process certain emotions, so they accumulate and appear more strongly during happy occasions than sad ones, because they are associated with social expectations and positive memories.”
In some cases, it’s hard to tell if the discomfort is normal or a sign of a deeper problem because feeling discomfort on Valentine’s Day may be normal. But when does it become pathological?
Psychologist Ella, and relationship coach, warns that “it becomes abnormal when negative emotions persist for weeks, or when they affect the ability to work and concentrate.” She lists warning signs such as
- Social isolation
- Insomnia
- Chronic fatigue
- Excessive sleeping
- Loss or increase of appetite
- Destructive negative thoughts about self-worth.
She emphasizes that “the appearance of these signs requires intervention from a psychological specialist, as the issue is no longer temporary, and Valentine’s Day may only be a triggering factor.”
How can we use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for healing and growth?
Despite all these challenges, Emmanuel presents an important idea: “Valentine’s Day can be an opportunity for emotional growth and self-awareness.”
She adds, “We can redefine this day to include all forms of love, rather than limiting it to romantic relationships only. Scientifically, a person can live without romantic love, but cannot live without the love of family, friends, and most importantly, self-love.”
She recommends practical tips:
- Gratitude practices and journaling for simple things has a real impact on mental health, as it trains the brain to focus on positives.
- Reducing the use of social media when feeling distressed especially around the holiday times
- Focusing on self-care in all it’s aspects, personal, professional, e, and personal hobbies.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is important to note that Valentine’s Day is not a test of our emotional success, but rather a reminder that love is fundamentally based on sacrifice, which appears in many different forms.
FAQs
What practical steps can single individuals take to cope with feelings of exclusion on Valentine’s Day?
To help get through the day and deal with exclusion feelings, single individuals can reframe this day as “Self-Love Day” or “Friendship Day”, get themselves a gift, plan a treat, quality time or a getaway for themselves. They can use humor to lighten the emotional weight, watch a funny movie read a fun book and definitely limit social media exposure.
How can couples in a routine or boredom openly communicate about Valentine’s Day expectations without conflict?
Couples who expect more of each other on this day need to openly communicate their expectations using “I” statements instead of blame and asking open-ended questions (“What would feel meaningful to you?”), they need to agree that the day is not a test of love in order to lower expectations before the day arrives and finally plan low-pressure activities (walk, cooking together).
Are certain personality types more prone to Valentine’s Day anxiety?
Certainly, highly sensitive people (HSPs) feel rejection more deeply and perfectionists set unrealistic standards and feel shame when unmet.
People with attachment anxiety fear abandonment.
These traits amplify social comparison and fear of judgment.
What strategies can bereaved partners use to navigate unavoidable Valentine’s Day triggers?
Widowers or people who just ended a relation can start by redefining the date as “self-care day”, they can create a small ritual (candle, letter, visit a meaningful spot). They need to Allow 15–30 minutes to grieve, then shift to a distraction, and Ask a friend to handle Valentine-themed tasks at work/school.